I’m looking down at what I’m wearing today and being very sad.  Not fabulous.  Not even in the zip code of fabulous.  Here’s my outfit of choice lately:  pair of jeans that don’t fit in one way or another, boring top, belt, the same pair of shoes I wore yesterday and the day before and the day before.  Lame.  Even my clothes look bored with themselves.  When I go in to get them out of the closet in the morning they hang, all full of ennui, and sigh.  I sigh back at them.  They plead with me, “Please.  Please, send us to Goodwill and go shopping.  We are tired.  So tired.”  And then I pull them off the hanger, and they fall limply into my arms in a cloud of dust.

There is a desperate need of wardrobe updating.  Or maybe just cleaning house and starting over.  I have a vision of gorgeous ensembles complete with the latest colors, cuts and kick-ass shoes.  Dark-washed jeggings with knee-high boots.  A stunning blouse in a rich fall color with an interesting neckline.  A fun scarf draped over an impossibly soft sweater.  Aviator sunglasses, chunky necklaces, tasteful earrings and the perfect bag.  All of these would look great!  Why aren’t they in my closet?  Oh yeah.  I know.  Because I don’t work out of the house anymore.

When did I stop letting myself be fabulous?  In my former life as a working woman, I had a much better selection of clothing.  And my clothes were excited, baby!  They practically jumped off their hangers in the morning, squealing, “Let’s go, girl!  Let’s get dressed!  Wheeee!”  And I rocked some fabulous back in the day.  At least I felt that way.

But I don’t have to dress for adults anymore.  I dress for four-year-olds, which means “comfortable” and “practical”.  Otherwise known as “practically shapeless,” “drab” and “worn at least once every freakin’ week.”  I have a rotation of boring going that’s headed down a frightening road,  a road that leads to housedresses and mu-mus.  Nobody wants that.  Nobody ever did.

There’s got to be a way for a homemaker to be functional and fabulous.  I have friends who are very much so.  I guess, like anything else that seems just out of my grasp, I have to “make it a priority.”  Ugh.  Just typing that makes me tired.  I have to WANT IT!  I have to GO OUT AND GET IT!  I have to SEE MYSELF IN IT and GIVE MYSELF PERMISSION!  Ugh.  I have to lie down.

Maybe I’ll just find some jeans that fit in a way which doesn’t make me want to rip them off my body in public.  And some cute tops in assorted colors from Old Navy.  And some new fall weather shoes.  Dear lord.  If I have to strap the same pair on my feet too many more days in a row, I.  WILL.  LOSE.  MY.  MIND.

I’m not going this weekend, though.  This weekend scares me.  I would rather wear a mu-mu.