We’re at the halfway mark. Fifteen posts. It’s been a glorious journey so far, and we’ve been through a lot, haven’t we? We’ve early voted accidentally on purpose, suffered through some awkward poetry and listened to our laptop’s disc drive start making weird grinding noises. We’ve made fun of a 20th century icon and made it through a really long post about stuff nobody cares about but me. All in all, I’d say not bad. Not necessarily good, but not terrible.
What will the next fifteen days bring? None can say. No, really. None can say. This posting every day is hard, y’all.
I looked back at last year’s halfway mark post in which I listed some things. This year I’m gonna list some more things. And that’s just how it’s gonna be.
1. I still don’t understand why old people drink coffee at McDonald’s. This is an across-the-board thing, too, folks. Every. Single. Old. Person. Does. It. Why, Greatest Generation, why? Wouldn’t a nice cold Coke go down so much better with those fries? Is it a sugar issue? Try Diet Coke! Or unsweetened iced tea with a little Splenda! They do have Splenda — I checked for you today! Please, guys. Please make it stop. It really bothers me.
2. Driver in the car behind me, don’t honk at me for turning into the gas station. Just don’t. I’m sorry you had to slow down for me to turn. No. No, I’m not sorry. I’m not sorry! And don’t come right up behind me after I’ve almost completely backed my car out of a parking space and honk. You’re late to the party, sir. You’ll just have to wait that extra nanosecond for me to put my car into drive and go about my not-merry-at-all-anymore-thanks-to-you way. And, for the love of little apples, stop just randomly honking. Nobody knows why you’re honking, they all think it’s something they’ve done, and they hate you so, so much for it.
3. It’s 67 degrees here today, and I am freezing. Freezing. What is wrong with me? Is my blood really that thin now? Damn you, Florida. Damn you and the bobcat you rode in on.
4. American Horror Story is just kinda funny now. Who agrees? I mean, it’s so over the top in parts that it’s become campy. That can’t be what was intended. Jessica Lange’s still awesome, though. I will go to my deathbed defending that woman. And given how this show is killing me, that might happen sooner rather than later.
5. Still love The Neighbors. Are you watching it yet? Get on it, man! It’s getting sweeter and funnier every week, which bodes well for its continued existence. Or could be its undoing, actually. And, again, Jami Gertz. Who else can rep a Chi-caaah-go accent like she can? Who else says “Hull-oween” like she does?
6. I hate my hair.
Thanks for hangin’ in there, y’all. Like I told you last year, you are all my beotches.