I’ve got little in the way of coherent thought tonight, folks. I’ve got some little idea-babies which I fear would morph into hideous three-headed alien things if I tried to stretch them out into a full post. And I promised I would never subject y’all to that. At least not if I could help it. However, I never said I wouldn’t make you sit through a random sampling of what happened in my brain today. Come on. It’ll be fun. And I’ll put a picture up at the end. Promise.
1. How do seedless clementines work? I mean, if they don’t have seeds…how does that work? How do seedless clementine farmers get more of them? And seedless watermelons, too, for that matter. Wait. Is seedless fruit immaculately regenerated? Whoa.
2. It would be so easy to steal shoes. Think about it. Say you’re in the shoe section of a large department store. You try on a pair of shoes. They are now on your feet. They look like your shoes. You could…just…walk out. Not that I would. I would never, never. Those stolen shoes would burn into the skin of my guilty feet like two size 8 albatrosses. All I’m saying is it would be easy.
3. The high here today was 68 degrees. Brrr. Down here that’s a bit nippy, friends. It was a great day for fashion, though. Fabulous boots and jackets, snuggly sweaters, jeggings. Enjoy it today, ladies. It all goes back up this weekend when the 80 degrees returns, and we all drag our raggedy Old Navy flip flops and pilled-up and faded yoga capris back out.
4. My blood has definitely thinned since moving to the Sunshine State. I’m currently sitting at my kitchen table, bundled up in fleece and wearing socks, for pete’s sake, banging out a blog post. I feel like the modern-day housewife’s answer to Bob Cratchit. Or…something.
5. Are y’all watching American Horror Story? Did you watch last night’s episode? What in the name of Jessica Lange was that all about? I don’t know, Mr. Murphy. You may have lost me. Not really. It is not within me to resist anything in the horror genre that involves nuns, priests and exorcisms. But…just…calm down, dude. You’ve got a decent cast (Adam Levine notwithstanding. What the hell was that about?) and a good story. Slooow down. And stop substituting frantic, abhorrent and uncomfortable for scary.
6 “Hate” is such a strong word, Facebook. It’s over, and it’s not a death sentence.
7. “We are never, ever, ever/getting back together/we are never, ever, ever/getting back together…”
8. How do you explain to a four-year-old that a kitten’s version of “playing” involves razor-sharp claws and teeth? And she’s lucky that after holding the kitten up by her forelegs to make her “dance” said kitten doesn’t come after said four-year-old like a spider monkey? You tell me, ’cause I’m through trying. My daughter’s scratched up body makes her look like the star of Lifetime’s next emotional journey through the world of secret cutting.
9. Who’s excited about seeing Daniel Day Lewis and Sally Field go at it in Lincoln? Me! Me! But wouldn’t it be just as awesome to see Billy the Butcher and Forest Gump’s mom go at it? Now that I would pay double to see.
10. As promised:
Yay for randomosity!